Remembering to Love Your Man

Sometimes I think we forget what a special circumstance it is to be married.  I never stop getting warm gushy feelings when I look back and think about the day I said my vows to my husband. However, I often take him for granted, and many of the things I love about him also drive me crazy. I’m so used to waking up with him and being around him every day that I become desensitized to the special love he provides me.  

It struck me last night, that I need to take a moment everyday to remember who ignites my internal fire, and why I even have a fire at all. I think as women sometimes we nag our husbands to death (and I’m definitely no telling you to quit all together, how would you ever get a thing done then?) and we have these very high and unrealistic expectations of what we expect of them. We tend to forget all of the little things they are willing to do for us, like rub our feet, open doors for us, take out the trash, hold us when were sad, kill spiders, and get up in the middle of the night to check the house after we watched Dateline’s serial killer series.

Our husbands way of showing us their love is so different than our way of showing love. Woman so easily love their husbands unconditionally, because we are nurturers by nature, but we don’t necessarily respect them. Men are the opposite, they respect their wives, but they are not inherently nurturing. This is where signals get crossed, and I think this is where we forget how to take care of one another. I can’t count the number of times I’ve teased or made fun of my husband because he isn’t that mechanically inclined. Statements like that hurt a man more than anything else. Women need to hear how much they are loved, needed and appreciated, while men need to know how strong they are, how proud you are of them, and how they do a good job taking care of their family.

There is a really great book that I read about a year ago called love languages, and the author takes his reader through all the different types of actions and communications that might make someone feel loved. At the very end of the book there is a test that you each take separately to find out what your love language is. Each person has a major language of love, and two sub categories. My major love language is quality time, while my husband’s is words of affirmation. I have to remind myself of this all the time, sometimes I just assume he knows I love and appreciate him because I love to spend time with him. What he really needs in order to feel appreciated is for me to tell him verbally out loud that I love, respect and need him. If you want to take the quiz to find out your love language just go to http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/30-second-quizzes/love/. 

I’m really encouraging everyone to take a moment to think about their husband, look at them when they aren’t looking at you and think about all of the things they do that you could not live without. I’ll be very surprised if your head doesn’t just fill up with loads of thoughts.  One of the things my husband has been doing for me lately that makes me feel so loved and appreciated is;  he comes up behind me, puts his hands on my baby bump and tells me it’s the most wonderful thing in the world. For me right now in my life there isn’t a single thing better than that. I’d much rather hear that I’m still attractive, and that he’s glad we created this life together than to have my daughter’s flash cards picked up off the floor.